Sleep . . .

. . . is the main activity.

Today I setup the stereo in the newly covered yurt where Zuva was born, and listened to the birthing music selection that we played for most of the time when Kim was in labour. The memories came flooding back and carried with them all the emotions of that extraordinary night.

I have processed a lot around the labour and what it put me through. Without playing down, even one little bit, what Kim went through, I also had my own not insignificant process. This was what we had hoped for and visualised - that she and I would essentially go through the labour together with minimal input from anyone else, and Beatle (our midwife) honoured this fully.

I had to revisit the birthing night a few times shortly afterwards, to release the emotions which I had held back on the night. During the labour I experienced waves of emotion, that if I had allowed myself to express them fully, would I suspect have made it difficult for Kim to feel fully supported as she processed the contraction pains, which were coming on top of each other for several hours.

In conversations with friends it occurred that to be a male support person is not common, and I had modest little preparation, apart from the usual ante natal classes. All that being said I wouldn't do it any other way. To be there for the entire labour and then at the end of it, greet my daughter and cut her cord, is a memory that will be with me forever.

More beautiful every day

What a joy.

Zuva is feeding well and starting to grow and put on weight.
She was smiling quite a lot today, what a delight!

Another picture as requested :)

A sweet blessing

A card was waiting for me in the letterbox as I went for a walk on Saturday morning. The natural paper envelope hinted at something special. As I walked towards the beach I tried to guess the sender's identity by the handwriting which was familiar - but she alluded me.

I wanted to honour the feeling, and waited until I was at the beach in the soft morning light then carefully opened the sealed flap with the sharp edge of a shell. . .

Thank you sister, for your lovely welcome of Zuva.

Rare moments

All is well,
All is well,
All is well.

Her four names

Zuva
This name came as we were nearing the end of our time with the people of Kufunda Learning Village, when Kim was mid term. Zuva means Sun in the Shona language of Zimbabwe. The Sun, and all it represents, has been a big part of the play of our relationship.


Clare
This simple form of the name appealed to us. And makes a connection through the letter "C" to her Grandmothers - middle names Constance and Catherine. It's meaning in Latin is bright and famous.

Waiata
Her Maori name came as a gift from our friends Hirini and Ruth on the morning of her birth: Waiata - or Song. There is more to the word. Wai is water. Ata is morning or dawn. The birds sing at first light. They welcome in the dawn. The song of life.

Samuel
Kim chose this early on. Neither of us like double barrelled surnames and we are both confident that she is our daughter and we don't need to claim her with our name.

Mother is everything

my attachment betrays me

i call you my baby girl
my beautiful
my angel
my special

i sing to you
my heart breaks
my attachment
betrays me

my body is on fire
everything is changing
there is new life
there is hope

this is time
for courage
for community
for grand visions

knowing
we are not alone
knowing
we are one

speechless

Indulge me

I have become one of those parents who I used to wonder about, who take pictures of their offspring ad infinitum. I am putting this little video clip here, partly because I can!



You will need a fast internet connection. And in today's tradition of txt message smiley faces you will have to turn your head on one side to appreciate it :)